A Four Letter Word!

Words are shared with others everyday.

           Some are kind and encouraging.

                      Some are hurtful and discouraging.

 

           There is a class of words that we refer to as “four letter words.”

These are words are that are offensive, crude, rude, derogatory, hateful, mean-spirited, etc.

                                 As Christians, we tend to steer clear of such words.

This morning we are going to talk about a “four letter word.”

           One that we should use, but often don’t.

                      Or, perhaps we do use, but don’t fully understand it’s significance.

           For it is a word that we use to describe our feelings for everything from ice cream to football.

                      From a day at the beach to our feelings for our spouse.


                      You know what it is, “LOVE!”

When it comes to marriage there is no word that has greater significance, meaning, or more importance to the relationship.

 

When we see love in action, our hearts cannot help but beat in perfect rhythm with those involved.


           When expressed authentically, no words are necessary.

Love is no less essential to human life that air, food, or water.

           In fact, in 1 Corinthians 13, Paul helps us to understand that nothing is complete without love.


           Unfortunately we tend to love to little and to late.

Which means that we need a reminder of what it means to love others with our whole heart.

                                 Which begins us to 1 Corinthians 13.

A marriage without love makes no sense.

           It’s like a concert without music.

                      Now ridiculous.

 

However, too many marriages today are empty of the very thing marriage was designed to display: Love.


           The commitment we have talked about will keep you and your spouse sitting side by side,

                      but love is what bonds you together as one.

           Love is the glue that unites two lives,

                      joining together two committed partners into an unbreakable union.

Most of the essentials of love can be found in the first half of 1 Corinthians 13.

           Now, most of us have read this chapter many times.

But today, I want you to look at it with new eyes, as if you have never seen these words before.


                      Let the words flow into you mind and let the words have a real impact on you.

The Priority of Love.

 

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.


Without love, we have nothing of value to say.

           Out mouths move, sounds come out, but nothing of value is communicated.


           In Ephesians 4:14-15 we are told to speak the truth in love.

                      Truth without love is cruel at worst and empty at it’s best.

                                 To confront someone without love is to do more harm than good.


                      To try and comfort someone without love, is to bring more sorrow than healing.

                                 

To try and teach without love, becomes nothing more than an academic exercise that brings no real change in the lives of the students.

The value of love is so great, or important that Paul says:

           If we had the gift of prophecy, the ability to speak God’s Words and predict the works of God.

           If we had all knowledge, if we knew fully the mind if God.

           If we had all faith, giving us the ability to even move mountains.


           If we had all that, we still have nothing at all without Love!

 

He even says that if we were the kindest, gentlest, more generous, most self-sacrificing person on the face of the earth, we would be nothing without love.

The special nature of Agape!


The word Paul uses no less than nine times in this chapter is agape.

           It was a word rarely used outside the Bible.

                      Probably because its meaning is unique to the kind of love we experience with God.


           The Greeks used eros, which was an intoxicating, impulsive love.

                      They used philos, which is a warm, noble affection of deep friendship.


           But agape was seldom used and poorly understood.



Dr. Ron Allen in the Nelson Study Bible describes agape in this way:

“This word, agape, describes a love that is based on the deliberate choice of the one who loves rather than the worthiness of the one who is loved. This kind of love goes against natural human inclination. It is a giving, selfless, expect-nothing-in-return kind of love...

 

Our modern “throw away” society encourages us to get rid of people in our lives who are difficult to get along with, whether they are friends, family or acquaintances. Yet this attitude runs in complete contrast to the love described by Paul. True love puts up with people who would be easier to give up on.”

Now every marriage needs a healthy dose of eros, a passionate emotional, lusty appetite for each other.

           But eros will not hold a couple together for the long haul.

 

Eros gives us wonderful warm feeling for each other, but those warm feeling will not last forever.

 

           The love that holds a marriage together is agape.



In sharing the characteristics of this agape love, Paul describes it both in positive and negative terms.

As we look at each of the characteristics of, and descriptions of, agape love, I want you to do two things:

                      One: Ask yourself “How am I doing in this area?”

                      Two: Ask yourself “How would my spouse’s behavior change if I loved like this?”



Love in Action:


Love is Patient & Kind!

           1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind...

 

We often talk about people who we call “short-tempered.”

           They are easily angered and you never seem to know what will set them off.


           Paul says that love is just the opposite, it is patient.

                      Love is long-tempered. Love has a long fuse.


           Love has the capacity to be wronged and not retaliate.



How are you doing with patience?

           Are you short tempered or long tempered?

                      Do you get upset easily or are you more laid back?


           How would your relationship change with your spouse if you were more patient?



Love is also kind.

           Patience and kindness are closely connected.

                      Kindness has to do with being caring, understanding, gentle,

                                 which we can only be if we are patient with others.


           Think of the person that is mellow, not easily ruffled, someone who is both strong and gentle.

                      People like that are enjoyable to be around.

                      You feel safe and relaxed around them.


           Are you kind?

                      If you were more caring, gentle and understanding, how would that affect your spouse?



Love is Not Jealous or Arrogant!

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

 

So often we tend to be envious or jealous of those around us, even our spouse.

           He gets along with people better than I do.

           She is better at her job than I am at mine.

           He isn’t aging as fast as I am.

           She gets to see her family more than I get to see mine.

           He always decides where we are going to eat.

           She makes more money than I do.


           Instead of being jealous or envious we are to admire our spouses abilities.

                      We are to be proud of their accomplishments.


                      We are to seek to help them reach even higher goals.



And loves does not brag Paul says.

           We all know arrogant people who can’t keep from talking about themselves.

                      They never seem to stop talking about what they have done.


           Now, there is nothing wrong with sharing what you have done in life with others.

                      But agape seeks not to lift up self, but to lift up others.


           In other words, don’t brag about yourself, brag about your spouse!

                      When was the last time that you told someone else how great your spouse was?

                      When was the last time you told your spouse how great they are?

What would happen to your relationship if you started encouraging your spouse to use their talents and abilities, and began bragging on how wonderful they are?

Love is Charming!

1 Corinthians 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking....


Paul says that love is not rude or unbecoming.

           That means that real love is not rude and crude.

                      Someone without class or decorum.


           Love is tactful, courteous, charming.

                      Merriam-Webster defines charming as “extremely pleasing or delightful.”


 

Charming love brings out the best in people.

           Do you realize that most people are charmed into righteousness, a right relationship with God?

 

           I don’t know about you, but I have never heard anyone say:

                      “You know, he beat me over the head with a baseball bat until I accepted Christ!”

                      “She treated me like dirt, and now I want to be a Christian just like her!”

The kind of love that brings people to Christ is a charming love, one that thinks more about others than self.

           The kind of love that makes a marriage wonderful is a charming love.

                      A love that delights in their mate and seeks the very best for them.

 

Are you a charming or rude?

           What would happen to your marriage if you showed a little charm?



Love Has a Thick Skin!

           1 Corinthians 13:5 ....it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.


Paul says that agape love applies a lot of grace to a relationship.

           It leaves a lot of room for the other person to make mistakes.

                      And when you live with someone for decades, there are going to be a lot of mistakes.


           There are far too many marriages in which the partners are constantly irritated at their mate.

                      They get upset at every little thing their partner does wrong.

                                 A wrong look

                                 A mis-spoken word

                                 A mis-placed item

                                 A simple over sight


                      All of which cause outbursts of irritation.

 

           Anger is not to be our first response to the little irritations of life.

                      Things happen and we have to learn to go with the flow.


                      Like they say: Don’t sweat the small stuff!



Paul also makes it clear that agape love does not keep a list.

 

Warren Wiersbe writes: “One of the most miserable men I ever met was a professed Christian who actually kept in a notebook a list of the wrongs he felt others had committed against him. Forgiveness means that we wipe the record clean and never hold things against people.”


           The truth is, we can keep a list without ever writing anything down or even realizing it,

                      until we become angry and we begin bringing up the past.


           Paul says get rid of the list.

                      Wipe it clean, let it go.


           Real love doesn’t hold your past against you.



How much more pleasant would your marriage be if you took the attitude:

           Don’t sweat the small stuff?

Love Loves Truth!

           1 Corinthians 13:6 Love does not delight in evil (unrighteousness), but rejoices with the truth.


Let me warn you, the implications of what Paul says here run deep.


           For Paul, agape is the intersection of truth, salvation, and obedience to God.

                      This is where your marriage and Christ meet.


           Your love for your spouse should encourage his or her love relationship with the Lord.

                      Righteousness is a shared goal in marriage.

                                 You are both seeking the same truth from the author of your salvation.

 

                      You are both seeking a right relationship with God.

                                 And God has given you each other to help you reach that goal.



Those who love with agape love, will do all they can to prevent their loved ones from falling into evil.

           They will do all they can to help them live in the midst of God’s truth.


           We know that sin destroys relationships, destroys peoples lives.

                      Therefore we strive to bring God’s truth into the lives of those around us,

                                 especially our spouse.

Which means that we seek to grow in God’s truth and encourage our spouse to do the same.

           We seek to serve God to the best of our ability and encourage our spouse to do the same.

           We seek to worship God to the best of our ability and encourage our spouse to do the same.

 

 

How much stronger would your marriage be, if you set the example, and encouraged your spouse to have a closer relationship with God?

The Limits of Love!

           1 Corinthians 13:7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


Paul views the limits of love as we view the universe.

Even though the astronomers tell us that universe is limited in size, they now think that it’s about 13 billion light years across.

                      It’s interesting that they have not yet found it’s edge.

                                 For all we know, there is not end to it.


           Paul sees agape love that way, there is no limit to love!

Paul measures love in four directions: patience, trust, confidence, and endurance.

           And Paul makes it clear that there is no limit in any of those directions, to love.

                      There is no limit to loves patience

                                 To loves trust

                                            To loves confidence

                                                       To loves endurance.


           Agape love shelters your relationship from anything that should fall on it.

 

Your love chooses to trust your mate and believe the best about them in the midst of challenging circumstances.

 

Your love expresses confidence in the faithfulness and goodness of your spouse despite how hopeless things may seem.

 

Your love chooses to remain steadfast, opting for a long-term view through short-term difficulties.



Alford Plummer wrote: “When love has no evidence, it believes the best. When the evidence is adverse, it hopes for the best. And when hopes are repeatedly disappointed, it still courageously waits.”



Conclusion:


Love like glue, has the potential to create a bond, but only when it’s applied.

           If you want something to stick, you have to apply it.

                      Glue doesn’t do any good in the bottle.


           Authentic love is demonstrative.

                      You have to apply it for it to work!

 


Let me make a suggestion:

           Write it down, express your love in writing to your spouse.

                      Saying “I love you” is one thing, but writing it adds a whole new dimension.


           I know, for many of us it’s hard to put our feeling in writing.

                      So let me give you some place to start:


 

Get a notebook and write the following questions in it and then the answers:

           What features or qualities first attracted me to my mate?

 

           What are three things about my mate for which I am most thankful?

 

           What three positive words describe my mate?

 

           When do I miss my mate most?

 

           What has my mate done for me lately for which I am thankful?

           What does my mate do regularly that I appreciate?

Once you have answered those questions, write out a small note of just a few sentences that express one or more of those thoughts.

           Begin with an affirmation of your love,

                      Then mention one or two items,

                                 Then tell them that you love them again.


           Then repeat every few weeks.


           Do you think this will have a positive effect on your marriage?

                      You bet!


           Oh, by the way, don’t let your mate see your notebook.

                      And write your note out in your own handwriting.



Risk loving your mate without reservation or qualification or condition.

           Yes, there is risk in loving like this.

                      There will be pain along the way.

 

           But the rewards are so worth it.

Do it now!

           Pat and I thought five years ago that our time together was quickly coming to an end.

                      Over the years I had told her that I loved her.

                                 I had bought her expressions of my love.

 

But now, I tell her more often how much I love her, and how glad I am that we have this time together.

I remember walking through the Fayette Mall after a check-up a few years ago and looking at Pat and saying: We get to spend another Christmas together.

 

                      Now, I spend more time with her, sometimes just quietly holding her hand.

When Senator Paul Tsongas was dianosed with cancer, a friend wrote to him, affirming his decision not to run for reelection.

We would do well to remember his sobering words: “No man ever said on his deathbed, ‘I wish I had spent more time in the office.’”



Don’t wait until tomorrow.

There is no more convenient time to love your mate the way 1 Corinthians 13 describes, than right now!


           So do it NOW!

                      Love is a choice.

                                 Choose to love your mate now!

                                            It’s a risk you will be glad you took.